DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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