it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
