I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
