he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i now understand why vodka
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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