One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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