Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
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I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
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Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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