I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Boobs speak an international language.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
