u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
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We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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