I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize