you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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