So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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