May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
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dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
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Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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