I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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