After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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