apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
should my penis look like a turkey
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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