I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
