Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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