OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
