It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
