Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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