I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
