I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
