You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
