Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
