check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
