Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just saw a hot homeless man
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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