My liver just broke up with me...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
