this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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