My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
This house was built for laser tag.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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