he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
