I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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