If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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