Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He felt like a one man threesome
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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