i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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