i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
