the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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