what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
