U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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