Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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