it wasn't lemon gatorade
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
