I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
