Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
