PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
