come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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