Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You smell like a Billy Joel song
love makes seman taste better
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Randomize
