The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
