Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
