I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
