Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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