this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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