If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
