I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
