If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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