I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
