remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
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