Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
