epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
