Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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