You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
