no you cant smoke seaweed
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
