even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
