nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
