masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
