I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
