she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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