On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
