I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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