Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
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She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
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I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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