I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
