Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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