all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
