I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
