i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
