Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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