I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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