I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
