R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
