You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
