Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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