you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
