Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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