All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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