try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
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I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
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I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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