we're chasing vodka with high fives
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
