That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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