my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
