She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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