I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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